New York Aberrant, August 4, 2004

A curious feud has broken out in the outskirts of the Sutton Area Community, in the place where the affluent rub up against the less so, or, in this case, where two groups of the less-so are now doling out daily doses of the evil eye.

Two buildings, each on their own respective sides of the 59^th Street Bridge, are competing for which one is most inconvenienced by the bridge’s traffic. This rivalry apparently began as a conversation in a deli on the southern side (notable, if for nothing else, for the ‘s’ missing in its sign, which makes it appear to say ‘DELICATE SEN’), in which two denizens, one from each building, got into a shouting match about the difficulty of living so close to a major inter-borough thoroughfare.

            While slices of mortadella were being measured out, Mr. Whalen and Mrs. Cooper engaged in typical small talk, until a discussion of which side of the bridge bore the greater weight of its incessant noise turned into an argument of surprising proportion. The battle came down to a dispute as to whether it is less preferable to live a) on the northern side, which is much closer to the bridge and therefore theoretically subject to greater noise, or b) the southern side, which, while enjoying the greater distance afforded by the width of 59^th Street, has to deal with the proximity of the lane for larger vehicles, meaning trucks and buses and such, which tend to produce more noise overall, pass by their building on a regular basis.

            The argument became so heated that the deli’s owner considered calling in the police. Calmer heads prevailed in this particular instance, but according to locals, things have been different ever since. Lines have been drawn and animosity between the residents of the two buildings (word apparently having gotten out) has only increased in recent weeks.

            Your friends at the Aberrant intend to keep a close eye on this intense situation and will report back any developments, up to and including how the planned mortadella sandwiches were received.